Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnant

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

INCLINATION TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

NEVER lie to a smart woman

A man called home to his wife and said:

"Honey, I've been asked to go fishing in canada with my boss and friends. We'll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could u please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod, & fishing box..

We're leaving from office and I will swing by the house to pick my things.

Oohh..!! Please pack my new blue silk pijamas... :) "

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy. But being a good wife, she did exactly as her husband said.

The following weekend, he came home a little tired but looking good.

The wife welcomed him and asked if he caught many fishes?

He said:
"Yes!! A lots of salmon, some bluegills and a few swordfish. But why didn't u pack my new blue silk pijamas like I asked u to?"

(Hahaha, you will love the answer) The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box...!"

How Many Children

God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and introduced an award scheme.

During the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India :
He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he  had during his time on earth.
Nehru replied. only one!
Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce!

Indira Gandhi was next, and God asked the same question.
She replied  she had two children, and God thought, not too bad, so he gave her a BMW.

Dr. Radhakrishnan was next in line.
God was not pleased to hear that  he had six children, and gave him a Morris-8 as a kind of punishment.

Sometime later, the three (Nehru, Indira and Radhakrishnan) going around in their new cars, saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot !!!
Wondering what went wrong; they asked why God hadn't been merciful with him.

The Mahatma replied in disgust, "God did not even ask me !!! *Some idiots had told him that I am the father of the whole
Indian nation!"*